The Promise
The roots of the weeping willow twisted under my feet. The tree almost seemed to wrap itself around me, giving me as much comfort as it could. Still I felt the warm tears streak down my face. Today all my past had resurfaced. I remember afresh the pain that I had when I was only ten. The pain again as the years went past and I never heard from you, and now the pain that I will never see you again.

At ten you took off in the middle of the night.  I called for you, every night. I cried, back then I never held back. You never told me that you were leaving, it was right before my eyes, yet still I misunderstood. You built the caravan all by yourself, I watched you for days, for months, for almost a year, and I watched all the hard work that you put into making it. I watched as you made the plans to leave me. My world crumbled around me on that night in July. Do you remember still those days that we shared? Was it something that I did? Do you still love me?

These tears that I cry, just don’t want to stop. These tears, and your pain, made me close my heart to all. Year in and year out I waited to hear from you. I waited for a letter, a card, a call or you. Every year on the 9th of April, I wished you happy birthday, even if it was just to the sky. It was because of the way you left me. The way that you just seemed to disappear into the night. The pain that dwelled in my heart. The fact that no matter how much I tried or tried to call you back you never came.

I remember one of the last times I saw you. At 13 I still didn’t understand too much. I understood that it wasn’t because of me that you left; I knew that it was beyond my control to make you stay. But I needed you, your love, and your influence. I remember you grey hair, the way your bald head shinned in the sun; I remember the heat of living in your caravan, even if it was just one day.  I remember your laughter and how you had aged, three years you were gone, three years I missed you, for three years I hopped that you would come back.

The last time I saw you, you were nothing more than a memory. A picture on my computer and a picture in my mind. I didn’t want to go to your funeral; I didn’t want to see how you had aged. I wanted to remember you as you were, as the father that would always be there if I called. I didn’t want to face the facts. I didn’t want to understand that it wasn’t only six years that you’re missing, but the rest of my life. You won’t see me married, you won’t see my children. You will never know if I find love.

I promise you dad, I won’t make the same mistakes as you. I will never leave my children, they will be my life. I promise that I will never make a mistake so big that it affects everyone badly, and I promise lastly that when I meet you in heaven I will forgive you for everything. I have forgiven you dad, and I hope that you can forgive me for the way that I was resenting you.

I return to reality as a twig snaps behind me. Turning around there stood the one that I loved. He bends down, whipping away my tears before kissing me long and deep. He helps me up and together we walk away hand in hand. See father I’m working at all those promises already. I love you dad.

RIP Norman Pyper died February 5th 2006
My father may you rest in peace I forgive you for everything.